The Road Called Seddie
by Bucket on the Head
Summary: I asked StarFreak101 to tag me, and here it is! Ten short stories of SEDDIE that were written while listening to shuffled songs on my iPod. You better hope I have good music! Enjoy!


**Author's Note: I asked StarFreak101 to tag me, and here are the ten short stories written from my iPod's shuffle effect! ROCK ON, SEDDIE!**

-- is switching the point of view.

**Cry Me a River -Justin Timberlake**

It was a cold night, and once again, Carly wasn't home.

My parents got into another fight about divorce or something like that, I got out of there before it turned ugly, so Carly's house was obviously my safe haven.

The thunder crackled, interrupting my thoughts.

The tv glowed in the darkness, Curly Cow or Girly Cow or whatever you call it, I couldn't remember-was on, and I watched with boredom, munching on popcorn.

_FWOOP._

The front door burst open, and who was it? It was the dork. It wasn't much of a shock, the sudden banging of the door hitting the wall just startled me a little.

"SAM!" He jumped onto the couch and clung to me, "Are you okay?"

I shrugged him off casually and turned back towards the tv.

"I'm fine, dork. Go away."

--

She's lying to me. Her wrists are bloody and her legs are dripping red and there's a hand print on her face.

Her voice is shaking and tears are running down her face and this isn't Sam this isn't Sam this isn't-

She screamed multiple times as she spoke, what was going on inside her head?

"I'M FINE, DORK!" She coughed up blood and I panicked. "Go away." She sobbed.

"No, Sam. I'm not leaving."

--

Freddie is a loser, he just won't go away. Can't he see that I'm fine? I can't take care of myself.

"Why are you here, Freddie?"

"You're hysterical!" I rolled my eyes, "No, I'm not, dork. I'm fine."

"I could hear you screaming from my apartment!"

My eyes widened, was he on drugs or something?

"Freddie, what's going on?"

--

"It's going to be alright, Sam. We're gonna get you a doctor."

She shook her head and screamed again, and I grabbed the phone. I held her down to a chair and waited until someone, _anyone_ came to help her.

Eventually she had calmed down to just ragged panting and as Carly showed up, a questioning look in her eyes, I realized there were dark rings around Sam's eyes. Insomnia?

Paramedics flooded in.

Sam was carried out into the rainy night on a stretcher.

Everyone was on the edge, "She's suffered major damage to the head, she's losing blood quickly, prepare an IV in the ambulance!"

I saw her close her eyes and I cried.

"Please, Sam...please be okay."

--

I rolled my eyes as some people in white coats screamed. I was so used to screaming, I barely even registered it anymore.

The dork began to cry and I was shocked, but laughed a little.

"Hehe, dork." He sobbed again and I gave him a little kiss on the cheek. Maybe I was going loopy from all that stuff the guys in white coats were putting into me, but eventually I went to sleep.

For the first time in three months since my parents had died.

**Barbie Girl-Aqua**

My mom always told me that I was strong, independent, a trouble-maker. Dad always told me I was beautiful and unique. I guess those are some nice traits to have.

"Well, if Nevel didn't review it, I guess then...iCarly's not that great." A high-pitched, gasping laugh from a pink-wearing preppy girl and her stupid friend.

"I wanna do bad things to that chick!"

Freddie crossed his arms inside his shopping cart, and glared after her.

"You should! I hate girls like that."

I agreed, and in seconds Freddie was zooming after her, though against his will.

On the outside, I snarled at the girl and laughed at Freddie's expense, but on the inside, I felt myself take another step up the romance ladder.

_Then I'm glad I'm not like that._

**Kiss the Girl-Hilary Duff**

It was a sunny afternoon, and I was forced to wear a dress.

"But _mom_! I-"

"No, sweetie! Today you are going to dress like every other seven year old girl, and wear a dress to the family picnic!"

"But everybody in our family is in jail!"

"Not _everybody._"

So now I'm stuck in this stupid, stupid, stupid, _pink_ dress with yellow flowers and even though I have an affection to twirling in it-I _hate_ it.

As I was lost in thought, I didn't notice a certain dork step in front of me with his stupid nerdy clothes on.

He snorted and I looked up.

"Freddie, you speak a word of this to anyone and I will tell everyone about your daily knitting sessions with your mom."

His eyes flashed with fear.

"You wouldn't!"

"Oh, I would." I smirked, standing up and pushing him backwards.

He fell on his butt and I felt a little bad as he started to tear up. I held my hand out to him and frowned. "Sorry."

He took my hand and stood up shakily. "It's okay," he smiled at me and my tummy swirled with happiness.

I returned the smile and released his hand.

_Mwuah._

My eyes widened as I felt his lips touch mine.

I shrieked and ran away, leaving him and his stupid lips to smile stupidly. Stupid.

I had to eat two whole plates of ribs to wash away the feeling of his stupid kiss.

But I think I kinda...liked it.

**Simple Kind of Lovely-Maroon 5**

Sam's very different compared to other girls.

"PUT YOUR FOOT IN YOUR MOUTH, GIBBY! PUT THE FOOT IN THE MOUTH!"

Very, _very_ different.

"Your butt is oddly shaped. So's your head."

She likes to eat.

"Will there be ribs?"

And she likes to...eat.

"Why do they put the bone _right_ in the middle of a ham?"

And she likes to annoy me/beat me up.

"Freddie, Carly will never love you."

"Is that a new shirt? I don't like it."

"No girl will ever like you."

We have our moments, though!

"...You're a great tech producer, Freddie."

And it's times like those...

"...and you're just as important to iCarly as Carly and I are."

...Where I fall in love all over again.

"SHE GAVE ME A WEDGIE!"

"No charge!"

**Jealousy-Paris Hilton**

There she is, the most perfect being alive.

And I absolutely hate her.

Sam Puckett is the baddie, with long blonde curls and bright blue eyes, a dazzling smile and a quick wit.

It's not that I'm not attractive or intelligent, but she-

"Guess what else is cool?"

"What?"

"Not you!"

-just ripped the boys' eyes from me stole the attention she was the DEVIL-

-is prettier than _me_.

"Hey, Sam." He's using his flirty tone. Oh, why use the flirty tone!

Wait a minute.

Does Freddie like her, too?

A smirk, "Hey, dork."

But he always liked me!

I smiled at her. "Hey, Sam!"

I hate her so much inside, because she's too pretty and she's too perfect and she's too funny and smart and clever and-

She returned the gesture, "Hey, Carly!"

-she's my best friend.

**Does Your Mother Know?-ABBA**

Today, I stole something for the first time.

I just reached out and took it, without asking for permission! That may be extremely unlike me, but even Sam noticed my weird behavior!

"Are you okay, dork? I think you might have a fever. You know I'm not Carly, right?"

I nodded, my head spinning and claustrophobia activating.

"So..." She began.

"So..." I mirrored.

The silence was awkward, and I don't know why, but in a second, Sam had stolen it back!

I was shocked, my jaw hung slack.

"What? It was just a kiss." She looked at me with an innocent expression on her face.

"Oh, I know..." I gulped. Her expression turned mischievous and her lips-which I now understood the softness factor of- turned up into a devilish smirk.

"...your mother doesn't know, does she?"

"Obviously not."

"Well, then I guess _I'll_ have to tell her!!" She announced before prancing out of the closet and towards my apartment.

"Oh God, Sam, wait, SAM!!"

**I Fought the Law-Green Day**

"You're such a dork!"

"Yes, yes, Sam. I understand. And your butt's shaped like a ham!"

Then he _smacked_ me on the _butt_. Seriously, what was that!?

Is this karma? I think it is.

For all those years I tormented Freddie, and now look at me! I'm hiding under his stupid bed with a sore butt and waiting for his mom to leave that house and go to her yoga class.

"No, mom, there's no monsters under my bed, you don't have to check!"

"Nonsense, Fredward! I'm your mother, and it's my job to check for-DEAR LORD DID YOU KILL SOMEBODY?"

"Uh...no Mrs. Benson, I'm alive." I called out to the the old bat that was clutching her heart dramatically.

"Then what are you doing under my son's bed!?"

"Um...collecting lint? I don't know, I just want the abuse to stop on my ham!"

Freddie made a panicked cutting motion with his finger across his neck and frantically shook his head.

"What _ham_?" Mrs. Benson asked, putting her hands on her hips.

"My _ham_, Mrs. Benson, was smacked by your son, and I demand an apology!" I almost snorted at my own ploy.

She looked flabbergasted, "Um, yes, my dear. Freddie! Apologize to this young lady for assaulting her ham!"

Freddie swallowed, "Yes, mother." He turned to me, "I'm sorry for hurting your ham, Sam." Haha, he was completely clueless.

"It's ok. Now I shall take my leave." I announced, following Mrs. Benson-who was shaking her head and whispering about strange girls and their hams- out the door.

"Wait! Sam!"

I paused in the entrance. "What?"

"How did you think of the ham thing?"

I smirked and glared at the same time, "Dork!" Then I proceeded to beat him with a pillow.

"FEEL THE WRATH OF THE HAM!" I cackled maniacally as I sat on him.

**It Makes Me Ill-NSYNC**

I don't know what was going through my head when I asked Carly for a kiss that day-the same day I was wedgie bounced by Sam. All I know is that she replaced me, and I am _never_ replaced by another guy, most especially not some loser.

Freddie is the school's dork. He's a loser, a nerd, a dufus, and nothing more! He's not supposed to get the girl that I lost. He's just not!

Sam should be mine again, and this time I won't go after Carly, or maybe I will. But whatever, I don't lose. I am the man, Jonah.

And Jonah doesn't lose his girl to nerds.

**The Real Slim Shady-Eminem**

On tv, the beautiful girl always marries the guy that's loved her for the entire series, and the aggressive girl ends up in jail.

This is most likely my life in a nutshell, so I've mapped my whole life out.

When I go to High School, I become part of a biker gang and change my name to "Rex" with my partner in crime, "Puffy the Cloud". Then after that, (we all know I'm not getting into College) I will become a famous actress and date Johnny Depp who I then dump for Puffy, who plays Spencer in the movie reenactment of my life. My dressing room will also contain ribs at all times.

And then when I'm eighty, I'll hunt down Carly's nursing home and get the bed next to her so that until we die, she'll be my drool buddy.

Yep, that's the perfect life for me.

And to think, I thought it all up in one history class-good thing I slept during the test, or I would've never come to this realization!

Freddie taps me on the shoulder and frowns. "You slept through _another_ test, Sam."

I shrugged, "Eh, that's okay, Puffy."

He blinked at me oddly, "What?"

"Nothing!"

**Brave New Girl-Britney Spears**

"Ouch! You're not very nice, are you!?"

Hmph. Since when am I known to be _nice_?

I hate babysitters, they sit on babies, and other raunchy things.

"Sam! Enough! You can watch tv, just stop the abuse!"

"Hey, I have an idea!" I shouted with fake enthusiasm.

He- yes _he_, my parents got me a _male_ babysitter-gave a big grin at my sudden mood swing and clasped his hands together. "Yes?"

"How 'bout you SHUT UP!"

He frowned. "Sam, this is going no where. If you're not going to behave, I'm going to have to call your parents."

I rolled my eyes, "Ooh, I'm _so_ scared." He gave me this angry look, and before I knew it, he had me pinned down to the floor with my hands above my head.

"Sam," he growled.

Did I mention he's my age? I know, my parents have the weirdest taste.

"What?" I asked, annoyed and a little uncomfortable in this position. Is my babysitter a rapist? Jeez, hope not.

"You are not behaving like a proper young lady." He got his face all close to mine and that's when I decided that I'd had _enough_ of this.

He groaned as I slammed my knee into his "special place" and stalked off. I snorted as he clutched himself in pain.

"Sam...go to your room, missy!" He gasped out.

"Yeah, sure. Whatever you say, Freddork."

**And that's the end! I hope you enjoyed it! D**

**R&R**


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